Feeling--grateful to have made it through this entry with a minimal amount of tears
Reading-- Eragon by Christopher Paolini
I'm grateful for-- getting through this entry

I've been needing to say this for a week or more now--I probably should just put this in my spiritual journal...which I will, but I want others to know how I feel. And I think it's ok to share this with others; it's personal, but not too personal that it needs to be kept between me and the Lord.

I also found a prompt over at Daydreaming on Paper that fits in with what I want to say:

Think of someone in your life right now. List 10 things you love (or like) about this person.

This may be a bit unorthodox, but the person I have in mind is Heavenly Father. The past three weeks, maybe four, have been stressful and somewhat of a rollercoaster. My brother returned home from his mission with honor (which is a wonderful, exciting thing). However, a week later we were all told my that baby sister's getting married--with only three weeks to plan it. (Three weeks will be up come next Thursday, their wedding day. So, she, Mom and our other sister have all been scrambling around to get everything in order by then. But the real frenzy has yet to hit us. Saturday, Dec. 1st, is Kami and Clayton's 1st wedding anniversary. He and she are being sealed for time and all eternity in the Salt Lake Temple that day, so we will all be down in Utah for the weekend. Thursday the 6th is Aubree and Mike's wedding and the 10th is our parents' 25th wedding anniversary.

Aside from this I've been having struggles of my own, some private and some...not so private. One is this pinched nerve I've had in my right shoulder for four or five months now, maybe six. I donno anymore as I've lost count. All we know is it's the radial nerve that's being pinched, as my thumb keeps going numb. We don't know why though. The doctor wrote up orders for therapy for it and said it was ok to take IBprofren for the pain and inflamation. It helps with the pain and the numbness. But I got to tell y'all, after four or five months of this, my patience is wearing a bbbbbbbbbeeeeetttt thin. *holds thumb and forefinger very close together* And now, the hip (my left) that's had at least two surgeries performed on it to put it back in place, has started throbbing occasionally if my leg is in a position that strains the muscles a bit or is at an awkward angle. I'm just tired of near constant pain. Especially when it wakes me up at night several times.

Then there is a strange anomaly--I don't know how else to call it--that happens occasionally...mostly at night. I get so very cold inside, and because of it, I start to shiver involuntarily. My nose also starts to run, and almost always with it I have Montezuma's Revenge. This weird affliction lasts maybe a half hour to an hour I'm guessing. It started about three months ago, and as I said, it comes and goes. It's happened more frequently since the stress around me started, so I'm thinking it has something to do with me being stressed, but back then (three months ago) I have no idea what I could have been stressed about! Unless it was over this pinched nerve?

Lastly, an aspect or consequence of my disability has felt overwhelming lately. My inability to transfer myself from place to place, most specifically from my chair to the toilet and back. I've had--to put it somewhat delicately--Montezuma's Revenge for the last week and a half. And what with things being crazy around here for the next lil while, I've privately been worried about having people here to help me whenever it strikes. So I've taken anti-d. pills to help ease or stop the problem. They were only a temporary fix, for when they wore off, the problem returned full force. Which meant more pills taken. It got to the point where I feared if I took any more they would start losing their effectiveness. But thankfully--*knock on wood*--it quit Saturday afternoon. The feeling of always needing to go quit. I hope it doesn't come back.

So, this is all what I've been dealing with and keeping to myself mostly for the last lil while. It has definitely not been easy. But it *blinks back tears*--gees, I hate that I'm such a crybaby!--has been made bearable by His invisible presence, His comfort and strength and in the sure knowledge that my prayers have been answered. *swipes at tears gathering in the corners of my eyes* I've felt His presence before in my life and in those of my family members, but this is the first time it's felt personal, that He's been here for me just because I asked or prayed for His help. Or when there's been no one around to turn to, either for comfort and strength, or just to have someone act as a sounding board for all this. It's been a priceless, unforgettable experience. One that I'll treasure always.

I've asked for so many things, and part of me is shocked and...uneasy, I guess...that I keep asking for more or for some of the same things, like making it through the night without having an accident like a lil kid--but He gives me all that I ask for in answering my prayers. Sometimes I fear asking so much is taking advantage of Him, which is why I feel uneasy. But He's given me everything lately, been there for me when I needed someone the most, that it's become easy to have faith in that He'll answer my prayers again, give me what I need or want--within reason, of course--as long as I put trust in Him to know and do what's best for me.

Two instances recently stand out in my mind that are a testament to this, but I can't relate one without breaking a sister's confidence, so I'll relate only one. I told you of my problem with the ancient Meso-American king's curse that ran all last week and part of the previous one, and of the seemingly stressed-induced anomaly. About a week ago, once in bed, I suffered the anomaly again, even though my heated mattress pad was turned on and I was under a mound of blankets. The shaking was so bad I couldn't continue reading my book that night, and the fearful feeling of possibly having to go again, even though I went just before bedtime, made me uneasy. The only thing I could do was turn my light off and turn over on my side, huddling under the covers. (I forgot to mention that when I get super cold, my muscles tighten and knot up to the point of feeling like they're on fire. That night that is what happened.) I lay there in the fetal position, with my arms crossed Egyptian-like, close to my chest. I was miserable to the nth degree. I knew my parents had not slept well the past two nights, and so I did not want to use the phone to call them to come help me go to the bathroom. So I prayed over and over again, till it became almost a litany in my mind: Father, please help me not to have an accident, let this pass. Please help me make it through the night.

The misery didn't abate as soon as it usually does, but continued a lot longer. It felt like half the night, though I can't be certain, since I have no clock I can see from my bed. And even though I took another dose of pills that night, I was seriously concerned about needing the restroom. It was a miserable night, one of the worst I've had in a long time. What got me through it, what made it bearable and me so grateful the next morning, was feeling His presence with me tangibly. I actually felt I wasn't alone! It was wonderful, even though I felt so miserable at the time. I was so grateful the next morning.

So, with all that said, I'll get back to the prompt above. This is mostly a list of gratitude.

1. I love that He has a sense of humor.
   
2. I'm grateful that He is merciful yet just.
   
3. I'm grateful that He gave us agency and free will.
   
4. I'm grateful that He answers my prayers, that He cares enough about me to listen.
   
5. I'm grateful that He is there to turn to whenever I need Him.
   
6. I'm grateful for His patience, that we are given so many chances to return to Him.
   
7. I'm grateful that He gives personal revelation still, in addition to giving instruction through the prophet, apostles and general authorities.
   
8. I'm grateful He sent His Only Begotten Son, who atoned for our sins, so that through repentance, we have a chance at eternal life.
   
9. I'm grateful that His love is unconditional.
   
10. I'm grateful that He has been with me this past week, when I needed His strength and comfort the most.

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From the Not-So-Ancient Scrolls...
12-28-2007 End Of the Year Meme
12-29-2007 Another End Of the Year Meme
12-30-2007 East and the West In the Middle Ages
12-30-2007 The Bride of the Lindorm King
12-30-2007 A Summation Of My Year In Quotes

moon phase