I've not participated in a Disability Blog Carnival in a long time. Not because I haven't wanted to, but because I've been super busy and had lost track of the Carnival dates. But I wanted to get "back into the swing of things," so I'm very glad Emma told me it's this Thursday, and she's hosting it. Her chosen theme is I Am...

I am...what? Disabled. Sick with the flu. Silly. Serious. Moody. Intelligent. Sassy. Imaginative. Creative. True, right now I am all of these...and a bit more. But because of some recent...arguments...I also realized I am something else. I am a lot more vocal in my opinions, in stating my feelings and thoughts, in speaking up for myself. And certain people in my family don't like it. They're not used to it; or they just miss the passive, quiet Shi, who mostly went along with whatever. My sister interprets it as me being angry or onery. My parents interpret it as me being angry, impatient or defensive. They say they're going by body language and expressions.

In my defense, I'm relatively new at this (the speaking up for myself); I only started to do so when I was at ISU, because if I didn't speak up people would ignore me. I also began to speak my mind. This is what didn't sit well with Kami and my mother--still doesn't sometimes. They once told me, one time when I was home visiting from school, that I'd changed--and not for the better. To be honest, once I'd gotten used to life on campus, away from home, I did get kinda headstrong and sassy. (Hey! it was my first real taste of freedom, and I "ran" with it!)

Now that the rush or novelty has worn off, I've calmed down some, but I refuse to go back to being the quiet, passive mouse I once was. I like speaking my mind, and as a self-advocate, it's important that I do so. I admit it's frustrating to be viewed as and told I'm onery or defensive when I'm only trying to state an observation or give an opinion. I guess I need to work on my body language, expressions and tones of voice so they can't be so easily misconstrued. But at the same time, my family is good at jumping to conclusions, especially when some of its members aren't around here a lot of the time, and nobody knows me or my thoughts and feelings better than myself and Heavenly Father.

I just wish they would back off with the assumptions and let me have my say, whether I'm wrong or right and quit telling me I'm onery, angry or defensive, when I know I'm not. Nothing gets me in these moods faster than someone telling me I am one of these when I know I am not!

So, who am I? I am...someone who will speak up for herself.

moon phase