I suffered a major shock today. One I'm still reeling from and will for the next long while. It's unbelievable, surreal and an utter nightmare. But it's a sad, inescapable truth I must face. I must face the fact I will never again see my best friend, Christina, in this mortal realm. For, she passed away without warning last night. *blinks tears away* She was only 29, I believe.

I've cried so much today my eyes hurt, and I've got a headache now to boot. My heart is ragged and raw, and feels like a hole has been torn from it. I will miss her forevermore, till the day I die. But, as much as I miss her, and am shocked by her sudden death, I am happy for her, because she's in a far better place and will have lots to do now over there. No more pain, no more prosthetic leg, no more annoying health problems and no more medications to take. Plus, she's with her grandparents whom she was very close to.

Throughout the day I've wondered what she's been doing since she reached the other side, what she's thinking, what it's really like on the other side. I've also marveled at the nature of death. How, when it touches your life, you just want to curl in on yourself, make the world go away, or at least stop its motion till you're ready to face it again. But it doesn't happen that way. Fair or not, ready or not, the world doesn't stop. Life continues on. And it doesn't seem right that you must go on with it. But I've finally realized they don't want us to stop and ruminate and grieve for them for months on end. They're not dead, not really--only their bodies are, their shells. Our friends and loved ones are just on another plane of existence, and they're busy doing whatever it is they do over there. Knowing this really helps with the pain of losing Christina. I know she's alive somewhere, but in a different way. I know I will see her again. *pauses briefly for composure* I know she's happy...perhaps shocked even, to find herself over there.

I wanted to end this post with a poetic tribute to Christina, but I find I cannot find or weave the right words at the moment. So I will have to put that in a separate post sometime soon. Just know this for now, Christina: I LOVE YOU!!

moon phase